What Most People Don't Understand About Power

People are often confused about power.

They want more of it, yet frequently overlook the forms of power readily available to them. They resent others having power over them, yet routinely give away their own. And when they finally attain power, many are surprised to discover they don't know what to do with it.

Before we go further, let's define what we mean by power. The term is often used interchangeably with authority, influence, control, or clout. For the purposes of this discussion, I define power as the capacity to create impact.

The Five Points of Power

In Self Leadership and The One Minute Manager, Ken Blanchard, Susan Fowler, and Laurence Hawkins identify five forms of power:

1. Position Power

   Authority derived from a title or formal role.

2. Task Power

   Power granted through responsibility for a specific job, project, or outcome.

3. Personal Power

   Power rooted in character, confidence, interpersonal effectiveness, resilience, talent, and passion.

4. Relationship Power

   Power derived from connections with people who provide support, access, resources, or opportunities.

5. Knowledge Power

   Power that comes from expertise, information, and deep understanding.

These distinctions matter because most people focus almost exclusively on the acquisition of position power, which can be useful but is often deceptive. In the past many assumed that knowledge power would be enough to get them where they wanted to go, but that is changing rapidly with the advent of AI. Few stop to consider how these forms of power interact or which ones are most important to develop.

Many people pursue power without first asking why they want it. Yet power is only useful if we are willing and able to use it to accomplish something meaningful.

Coaching Question: What would you do with more power if you had it?

Personal Power Is the Foundation of Everything

Of the five forms of power, personal power is the most important and the most overlooked. Personal power is the foundation that activates all other forms of power; upon which every other form of power rests.

Personal power comes from self-awareness, confidence, credibility, emotional intelligence, resilience, and the willingness to take responsibility for your impact on others. It is what allows you to acquire knowledge, build relationships, earn trust, and use authority effectively.

Many people pursue position power by default only to discover that its effectiveness is largely dependent on personal power. A title can grant authority, but it cannot command trust, commitment, or followership. They assume a title will provide influence, fulfillment, or control. What they often discover is that position alone is surprisingly weak. Without the ability to inspire, influence, and build followership, authority can feel more like a burden than an advantage.

Titles may open doors. Personal power determines what happens once you walk through them.

Coaching Question: What’s a source of personal power that you may not have considered?

Clear Intention Amplifies Power

Power without purpose is dangerous.

The more specific you are about the impact you want to make, the more effectively you can build and direct power. Your intention, your why, should always drive your pursuit of influence, authority, expertise, or resources.

Without a clear purpose, power easily becomes the goal rather than the means. History is filled with examples of leaders whose pursuit of power for its own sake led to destruction rather than contribution.

Power is energy. Intention determines where that energy goes and how it gets used.

The question is not, "How can I get more power?" The better question is, "What impact am I trying to create?"

Coaching Question: What do you intend to do with the power that you have?

Power Generates Choice, and Choice Creates Responsibility

As people develop personal power, their options expand.

They gain access to more opportunities, more resources, and more influence. While that may sound liberating, it also creates a new challenge: focus.

The greater your power, the greater your responsibility to decide what deserves your attention and what does not.

Leadership is often portrayed as gaining freedom. In reality, leadership is also accepting responsibility. The person with the most influence in a room has the greatest obligation to model priorities, establish direction, and care for the people affected by their decisions.

Power expands choice. Responsibility determines how wisely those choices are well leveraged.

Coaching Question: Given the power you have, what are your responsibilities?

Personal Power Can Be Unsettling

Strong personal power often provokes strong reactions. Some people are drawn to it, while others are intimidated or repelled by it.

This is especially true when personal power appears in people who challenge expectations or social norms. Confidence, clarity, conviction, and presence can be profoundly attractive to some and deeply uncomfortable for others.

Not everyone will welcome your power. Some people may fear it. Others may envy it. Still others may misunderstand or be skeptical about your intentions. That comes with the territory.

The solution is not to diminish yourself. The solution is to take responsibility for your impact. People with strong personal power must work intentionally to build trust, communicate their intentions, and demonstrate that their influence is being used in service of something larger than themselves.

Coaching Question: Given your personal power, what impact might you have on others?

Powerful People Become Lightning Rods

One of the most misunderstood dynamics of power is projection.

Many people possess more power than they realize but are uncomfortable claiming it. Instead, they project that power onto someone they perceive as powerful. They may idealize that person, seek to compete with them, blame them, or expect them to solve problems that properly belong to themselves.

Angeles Arrien writes eloquently about this phenomenon in The Four-Fold Way. People often hand their power to someone else and then resent that person for having it. As a result, individuals with strong personal power frequently become lightning rods for admiration, criticism, unrealistic expectations, and projections that have little to do with who they actually are.

Recognizing this dynamic helps powerful people stay grounded and helps everyone else reclaim ownership of their own power.

Coaching Question: Has someone given you their power without being aware of it? How might you hand it back to them with grace?

Real Power Comes from Understanding the Rules

In The 7 Rules of Power, Jeffrey Pfeffer argues that gaining power often requires breaking rules. There is truth in that idea, but my experience suggests something more nuanced.

The most powerful people understand the rules exceptionally well. They know which rules exist for good reason and which ones are merely conventions that have outlived their usefulness. Because they understand the system, they can make thoughtful decisions about when to comply, when to challenge, and when to innovate.

Reckless rule-breaking is not power. Discernment is power.

Coaching Question: Which rules in your life have outlived their usefulness and how will challenging them affect others?

No One Can Take Your Personal Power Away

You can lose your title.

Your budget can be reduced.

You can be excluded from a meeting.

Your circumstances can change at any moment.

What cannot be taken away is your personal power.

You can surrender it. You can neglect it. You can forget that you have it. But no one can take it from you without your say-so.

Eleanor Roosevelt captured this truth perfectly when she said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Position power may come and go. The value of knowledge power is in flux. Personal power remains.

Coaching Question: Have you given away your power to someone who doesn’t want or need it? If so, how might you reclaim it?

More Power, More Options

One of the most transformative moments I witness as an executive coach occurs when clients realize they have more choice than they thought.

Most of us become trapped by the options we can immediately see. We focus on the paths others have presented to us and overlook possibilities that sit just outside our field of vision.

A powerful question is:

"What other options might be available here?"

That question expands awareness, which creates choice. And choice is one of the clearest expressions of power.

When you recognize the power you already possess, you begin to see possibilities where you once saw limitations.

Ultimately, that may be the greatest benefit of power: not control over others, but power over yourself; the ability to create more options for yourself and for the people around you.